Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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