You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
