Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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