i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
