my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize