Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
