Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
