it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
