Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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