remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
