when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
