she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
