I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
