You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize