why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize