i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
