I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This is my gift to your gina
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Randomize
