I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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