Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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