Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
