i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize