thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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