birth control should be required to get into college
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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