I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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