It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
