Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(707): View more from California

drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

People are yelling about how much they want you here.

(563): View more from Iowa

I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.

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(425): View more from Washington

You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.

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(515): View more from Iowa

If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.

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(434): View more from Virginia

He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.

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(660): View more from Missouri

Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!

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(661): View more from California

There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.

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