i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
