Are you still at the party or did I leave?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
