Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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