the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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