Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize