My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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