So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We have started to decorate penises.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
