Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I puked a lego.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
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