sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
