Plan B is the new Plan A
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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