My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
