well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
