PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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