the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
