Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
