So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
