my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize