I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
