we have officially mastered the walk of shame
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
