He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
