Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
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hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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