Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
