We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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