I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
