he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
