I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize