Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
