I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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