She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
