carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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