i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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