i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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