According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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