I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
