I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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