he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
