I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
