i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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