Buhtt sex?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize