College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
