So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize