just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
