that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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