last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
