I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
