I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
