I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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