I just saw a hot homeless man
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
