My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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