After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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