PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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