I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
