I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
