Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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