just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
