he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
