Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
