you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
