it wasn't lemon gatorade
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Farmville is her only friend.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
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