I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
