I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
