i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
