Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
