i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
