Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
