It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize