On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She even gives head with a lisp.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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