I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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