It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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