I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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