a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I will pee on everything he values.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
