I'm lost and stupid without you.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
