grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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