Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
