I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
