I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
