Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
