dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
